Tip #10: Under no circumstances is ever okay to fucking prank call me.

Ummmmmm…..I mean…….you’re, like, 65…..why are you calling me and saying gross shit to me like you’re 12?

I mean…it’s a little weird you think I’m pretty even though you have never seen me but I’m a conceited little bitch so I’ll go with it.   I draw the fucking line though at wanting to know what you would do to me.

The shitty thing is you seemed like a nice guy when I answered the phone.  I would have been willing to just sit and shoot the shit with you for awhile but then you whipped out the word “horny” and I’m just not into people who describe themselves as “horny.”  I fucking hate that word.

Once I have hung up the phone…don’t fucking call back.  It’s really not awesome to hear you breathe into the phone.