Tip # 7: Don’t fucking ask me where you can stroke your schlong.

If you are a lonely middle-aged man who is supposed to be in town spending time with your grown kids and grandchildren, please don’t  sneak away from them in a fit of horny rage to ask COMPLETE strangers where you can go rub one out!  I don’t know where there are gay bars with “back rooms” where you can pull a curtain and pleasure yourself you sick fuck!  How sad and horny are you to be asking numerous strangers about this?  The cab driver didn’t have the answer, so you thought I might?  YOU SICK FUCK!

Also, I have no interest in hearing about your friend who recommended our hotel to you and I also don’t care about how much of a man slut he is or how much he loves penis.  GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!

Do your kids (who you should be visiting) know where you are and what you are doing?  I hope they catch you whacking off in a bush somewhere and disown you.

Hopefully my expression, which looked something like this :/  was a big enough hint to you that discussing your erotic fantasies with me or anyone else you don’t know is completely unacceptable.

Now please take your tissue back to wherever you came from wrestle the one-eyed snake in private.  FUCKING SICKO.