Tip #4: Don’t be in such a fucking rush, Speedy Gonzales!

Stop cutting me off.  Stop trying to walk away.  Stop acting like you have been standing here for 2 hours when it’s actually been a whopping 30 seconds.  I am trying to tell you all of the information you need to know about the hotel so fucking sit here and listen to it. Most importantly, don’t act like you already know everything because you will be the same fucking person calling me in 45 minutes.  Where is breakfast?  Where is the work-out room?  Is there a bar in the hotel?  The elevator is broken.  No, homie, the elevator isn’t broken.  It wouldn’t fucking take you anywhere because you didn’t know you had to use your keys for it because you ran away from me like you were prairie dogging when I was in the middle of trying to tell you that!

On another note…for those of you who ask too many damn questions…SHUTTHEFUCKUP!!!  If you let me finish, I’m pretty sure I will save you the breathe and spare you a few words from your daily word quota.  I was just about to tell you where the fitness center is, where breakfast is, and at what time breakfast is.  But!  You are so god damn concerned with not-shutting-the-fuck-up that you are fucking up my flow.  Oh…and we don’t serve eggs.

Please stop scarfing cookies down your throat and leaving crumbs all over the counter, fuck nut.